Developing a Conflict- Competent Organization
By Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan

When we ask participants in our leadership programs to describe conflict, most use terms such as "stress," "frustration" and "anger." When asked how they generally deal with conflict, they admit that they try to avoid it.

So, it is not surprising most organizations wind up getting the worst out of conflict without ever experiencing the benefits it can bring. To change this situation, leaders need to make conscious efforts to develop their organizations' conflict competence.

With all the other imperatives they face, why should leaders focus on improving their organizations' capacity to manage conflict? Two key reasons emerge.
First, conflict can cost organizations a lot in terms of wasted management time, turnover, absenteeism, grievances, lawsuits and, in the worst cases, sabotage and violence. Handling it effectively is a good form of risk management.

In addition to lowering costs, organizations can use conflict to their advantage to boost creativity and enhance decision making. When conflict is successfully managed, teams are able to discuss and debate issues openly, which can lead to developing creative ideas, adequately examining alternatives and making sound decisions.

Given these reasons, the question becomes, "How do you develop conflict competence?" It involves a combination of cultivating leaders' and employees' personal conflict management skills and aligning organizational values to support these new skills.

Developing Personal Conflict Competence

Most people look at conflict in a negative light, something they would prefer to avoid. When we ask them why it is so difficult for them to deal with conflict, they tell us that it is because they have never learned the necessary skills. When this lack of skills is coupled with the strong negative emotions that conflict stirs up, it is easy to see why conflict is difficult.

A first step toward personal conflict competence is to understand how conflict unfolds and why we respond the way we do. Conflict is generally described as a situation in which people have apparently incompatible goals, interests, principles or feelings.

It starts when people say or do something that might prevent us from getting our way. When this happens, it is very easy to attribute some kind of negative motive to their action — perhaps we think they are trying to gain a political advantage. Almost immediately this triggers a negative emotion (typically fear or anger) in us, which leads to a response, often some kind of fight-or-flight behavior.

This behavior is part of our survival makeup, and at times, it helps protect us from danger. In organizational settings, though, fight-or-flight responses do not work well toward people with whom we have ongoing working relationships. Poor responses typically create negative reactions from the other person and begin a cycle of retaliation.

A second step involves learning more about how you respond to conflict. In our programs, we usually use the Conflict Dynamics Profile assessment instrument to help individuals better understand what kinds of behaviors in others trigger conflicts for them and how they behaviorally respond to workplace conflict once it starts. Whether you use an assessment instrument or just reflect on what irritates you and how you behave when conflict occurs, it is important to develop self-awareness as part of becoming conflict competent.

Given the challenges of conflict, people need to learn how to slow down the process so they do not automatically jump to negative conclusions about other people's motives. They also have to learn how to control their emotions and transform their behavioral responses from destructive ones into constructive ones. Begin by doing this:

• Slow down. When you find your emotions rising and feel like the next thing you say or do will likely be destructive, it is time to take a timeout before you do something you might regret later. By delaying your response, you can regain your composure before working on resolving the problem. During the break, take some deep breaths and think of something pleasant to take your mind off the conflict. Alternatively, you can try just being aware of your feelings (observing them without identifying with them). This process of reflecting on what is happening can help remove some of the tension from the moment and allow you to regain balance and composure, which you will need later.

• Gain perspective. Once you have calmed down, you are ready to engage in trying to resolve the conflict. The first, and perhaps most important, step is trying to understand the other person's perspective on the issue. This involves asking questions and trying to listen very carefully to the other person's thoughts and feelings about the matter.

This can be challenging for many reasons. First, we know we are right, and the other person is wrong, so why should we bother listening? We also feel that by listening to that individual, somehow it appears that we agree with him or her. The truth is that listening can bring many benefits — you might learn something. Some of the tension will lessen because the other person has a chance to feel heard. Finally, you are more likely to be heard too if the other person feels you have respected him or her enough to listen.

• Express emotions. Emotions are a natural part of conflict, and they need to be acknowledged and managed. Many people we talk to say they are reluctant to express their emotions at work, perhaps because it could make them look weak. When we ask them whether they have emotions associated with workplace conflict, they all agree they do. What should they do?

People should share their emotions at an appropriate time and place. Let things calm down first, and then let the other person know how his or her behavior made you feel. That person might not realize you have been hurt, and it is important he or she understands how you were affected so as not to continue behaving the same way. The emphasis here is on telling the other person how you feel — not on placing blame. What happens if you suppress, rather than express, your emotions? They do not simply go away. Usually, they will fester inside, and eventually they will come out in some form of destructive behavior.

So, it is important to deal with your emotions before they deal with you.

• Create solutions. After you and your conflict partners understand one another's needs, you can then try to devise solutions that meet them. Come up with a wide variety of possible solutions — you are not confined to reaching a simple compromise. After you have developed options, you can review them to see which might best meet both parties' needs. These skills can be learned initially through training experiences, but they need to be nurtured through coaching, mentoring and practice. There will be no dearth of practice opportunities because conflict is a regular and inevitable part of organizational life. If leaders model effective conflict management behaviors, it will be much easier for others to follow their example.

Championing Organizational Conflict Competence

Improving individual employees' conflict skills is the most important component of developing organizational conflict competence. To leverage these new skills, leaders need to ensure organizational values are aligned with the kinds of conflict management behaviors they want employees to exhibit. They also need to make sure organizational policies and procedures are in line with the use of constructive conflict behaviors. Performance measures should incorporate conflict management as a standard competency, and the organizational reward structure should reflect the importance of conflict-competent behaviors.

In larger organizations, it is prudent to take a systems approach to conflict management. The emergence of what are known as integrated conflict management systems is a recent phenomenon. They meld conflict training and support with alternative dispute-resolution systems that include elements such as mediation and arbitration to provide a wide variety of conflict management approaches to employees and other organizational stakeholders.

The emphasis in these processes is on helping to deal with conflict at the earliest possible time in the least formal way. The emphasis on dispute prevention underscores the importance of putting conflict-resolution skills in the hands of all members of an organization.

By developing better conflict management skills in all employees and making sure the right climate is created in which people can use those skills effectively, leaders can ensure their organizations can deal with conflict more effectively. Additionally, it can save money that is wasted when conflict is handled poorly, and it can enable organizations to benefit from the creativity and better decisions that can come from effectively managed conflict.

Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan are directors at the Eckerd College Leadership Development Institute and are co-authors of “Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader.”

Reprinted from Talent Management Magazine